Forget Peter Piper and those stupid pickled peppers, Vanessa Barnett just pick the perfect avocado. Boom!

Why is this a big deal? Well, if you have to ask this question then either you don’t eat avocado (WTH?!?) or you’re some weird alien who picks the perfect avocado every time (again, WTH?!?). But, if you’re like the rest of the non-perfect picking people of the world, then you’ve run into your fair share of too ripe, not ripe enough, rotten avocados. Unfortunately, and for some unknown (or maybe just unknown to me) reason, getting it just right in the avocado department is quite a daunting task. Well, because I’ve done it once, I am now an expert and thus I must teach everyone I know my vast and expansive knowledge of all things “perfect avocado”.

Seriously though, either I’ve lucked up on a really good picking method or I just lucked up on a good avocado. Either way, here’s what I did…

1. Look for an avocado with a darker skin. The one I chose was mostly a dark purple, but not too dark. Don’t get the black avocado … that’s not the move, for sure.

2. Squeeze that little sucker. I chose one the was pretty firm and just barely squishable.

3. Buy avocado and take it home. This is pretty obvious, but i’ll be d@mned if someone says I told them to just walk out of the Farmer’s Market without paying for their avocado.

4. Let avocado sit on your counter for at least a day, not more than 2 days.

5. Cut avocado in half the long way, twist so that one side still holds the seed and stare at the perfect avocado you just picked.

Bonus Step: Take a picture and put it on Instagram like I did, because if you don’t document it, it obviously didn’t happen > @ModernMarthaStewart

Editor’s Note: If you still end up with a sucky avocado, my bad homie! xo